meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He called his prostate his "boner button".
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
