dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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