her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
