it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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