Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
even my farts smell like vagina
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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