Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
