Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
