Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
