Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
