I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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