when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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