if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
