so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
