I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
