when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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