Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
