I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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