found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
