Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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