I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
