Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
