Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
