why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
