Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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