Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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