Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
