I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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