I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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