Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
