I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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