watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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