You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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