I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
