I cockslap morals
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
