Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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