I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
