maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
