party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
