Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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