While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
