I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
