That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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