I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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