His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
