They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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