i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
