Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
