I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
