He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
