the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
