wat bout pragnant strippers??
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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